2 thoughts on “We connected to our heart centers….i think….

  1. Hi Belinda:
    Just finished reading your blog! Awesome topic! I’m married with two kids, my 12 yr old boy, and 10 yr old girl. I’m very much in agreement that it is a topic that scares every parent. The reality is that for most of us, the birth of our children, represents the beginning of a new way life that forever more will include your child. That adjustment period is intense and at times traumatic as the old you integrates all the the parts. It brings up every issue you never dealt with. The type of parenting one receives, the level of education, your age, your marital status, the support systems you have in place, the level of self awareness that you bring to table as a parent, will all effect our parenting style. However, one thing we can never foresee when we decide to have children is what it will really be like and it is overwhelming at times. It becomes overwhelming because as humans, we can not always access those blind spots that are created by the myriad of ingredients that makes up who we are. It turns out that our children become our most important mirrors, and when we can not take responsibility for ourselves and set healthy boundaries between ourselves and the world, we can not take responsibility for our children either and thus you have the children you described. That mother’s challenge is first and foremost to take responsibility for herself.

    Now from reading your blog I can see that you are very deeply committed to self awareness and thus self responsibility and that you have successfully navigated personal issues that brought you to a very clear decision not have children. Thus, I can understand how that woman’s parenting style is confusing and frustrating for you. Most of us decide to have children and think we are ready for it but as it turns out we are never really fully ready. The personal issues that come up as the children grow, can be dealt with by lovingly embracing them as a change that is necessary to grow as a parent and to teach your children. However, depending on all the variables that make up our lives, we may or may not rise to the challenge and wind up not show up for ourselves and thus not show up for our children. My take is, this woman stopped showing up for herself a long time ago and thus stopped showing up for her children as well. When one is sitting in that blind spot, it is impossible to figure out that you might need help, never mind asking for help or receiving help. When one is living in such a fragile state any, suggestions on your parenting become vicious attacks on your ego, thus defending your ego and keeping your insecurities and deficiencies underground will supersede every time. On the other hand, sometimes parents opt out for allowing everyone, the teachers, the after-school, the psychologist, the babysitters, the housekeeper, the drivers and all the retail in the world to substitute them and their parenting. This is just another way of not showing up but the result is the same. At the end of the day it is neglect! Neglected children will act out no matter how rich or how poor they are.

    Bottom line, your observations are spot on and you would make an amazing parent even though it is not the path you choose. 🙂

    Looking forward to your future blogs.

    Maria Soledad (hear about your blog via Kelly Spillman)

    On a personal note, I so agree with your parenting style, but I have dropped the ball on some occasions. I thought I had done all the therapy and reparenting I needed to be a good parent. I did not foresee that there were certain aspects of my life that would come out and bite me so hard that they would disable me long enough to cause my children harm. By the time I realized what hit me some damage had been done. The trick is seems, is to expect that life will throw you curve balls that will slow you down but to always strive to take responsibility for it ask for help and move from it as quickly as possible so that your children are effected by it in as little as possible.

    I feel like I know you just a tiny bit via Kelly’s facebook page.

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    • Thank you Maria for such an insightful response:) I loved everything you said, especially about showing up for ourselves…. it’s so true, parent or non-parent. You gave me some things to think about:)

      Like

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